Dr. Hibbert: My god, that’s monstrous! Lisa: No. Bart: Yes! Homer: “P.S. Addiction can ruin and claim lives and being addicted to gambling is just as valid a problem as addiction to drink and drugs. I will not say 'Springfield' just to get applause Wait. Oscar Wilde: Homer, there are only two tragedies in life. You're the biggest man in the world now and your covered in gold. Tab Spangler: Let me just bite it. Homer: Yeah, you know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. I will not say 'Springfield' just to get applause. If I didn’t have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here any time he wants and start shoving you around. Homer: Three simple words: “I am gay.” Spending longer gambling does not have any impact on the outcome of the next event. Then, while Marge waits for Homer's shift to end at Burns's casino, she finds a quarter on the floor and uses it to play a slot machine. Homer: Bart will play Apu. Our Advisers can give you more information and advice to help you take the first step – talk to us now. 3 years ago. The Simpsons (1989) - S30E10 'Tis the 30th Season. Special Guest Voices Remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Marge: Homer, listen carefully. Homer: God bless those pagans. Homer: I’m not normally a praying man. You’re the most paranoid family I’ve ever been affiliated with. Sex sells. Homer: Eh. Homer: .10. Down eight. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons. Lisa is heartbroken, thinking she looks like a monster, but Homer swears he will save Marge from the real monster (whom he calls Gamblor) even if he must drag her out of the casino and force her to return home. Smithers promises to send Homer back to the power plant. Erotic cakes. Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Homer: I don’t tell your mother how much I’ve lost. Homer: Where will I sleep? $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) Homer: Yeah, but what’re you going to do. Homer: Triple? Judge: And Margaret? People are always really glad when they’re corrected. Back at home, when Lisa wakes from a bad dream of the boogeyman, a gun-toting Homer hides himself and the children behind a mattress in terror, shooting from his cover at anything he thinks might be the boogeyman. Homer: That baby proofing crook wanted to sell us covers for the electrical outlets. To overcome your gambling problems, you’ll also need to address these and any other underlying causes as well. Homer: Come on, Bart. Homer: So… do you think the Redskins will beat the spread? The suit that makes me completely invulnerable to bear attacks. Ex-con Salesman: But surely you can’t put a price on your family’s lives? Homer: Wow, they have the internet on computers now. Why don’t you eat something a little more nutritious. Dad. Homer: Marge, I can’t wear a pink shirt to work. Homer is talking to Carmen Electra’s chest But there won’t be time. Homer: That was fast. (Marge sits down at the computer, grabs the mouse and starts clicking away) Bart: Click that one, Mom. Self-help groups are helpful for people with gambling … Marge: Homer, don’t touch her. It’s like a freakin’ Country Bear Jamboroo around here. I admit it. Homer: Oh. Homer: I’d like to read the following statement, but I do so under {a gun cocks} my own free will. I … Homer SimpsonMarge SimpsonMr. Why embarrass us both? Homer: What are you guys laughing at? Homer: He was a zombie? Won’t even come to my Rapture. A group of crows is called a murder. It originally aired on the Fox network in the United States on November 16, 2008. The next day, Bart intercepts Robert Goulet to perform at his casino, when he was hired to perform at Mr. Burns's casino; Goulet is a hit, singing the children's favorite "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells" and accidentally smacking Milhouse in the face with his microphone, and rather enjoys himself. Your mother’s only trying to help. I thought he’d be all like, “I’m a rock star. Screw up like the Beatles and say you were bigger than Jesus? Homer: I am Homer Tribal Chief. [they kiss] Homer: Remember when I— Marge: Homer! Marge: Forget it! Homer: Oh, no you don’t! Homer: Right. Mr. Burns builds a casino when Springfield decides to legalize gambling, with Marge becoming addicted to the slot machines. Lisa: Like Halloween and Christmas, April Fools Day traces its origins to pagan ritual. Homer: Ah, Oliver North. The one that says, “Don’t worry about it. Couples Retreat (2009) Homer: Because if I do it enough maybe they’ll start to pay me. And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house 'cause he was dressed like Santa Claus? Other customers need to use that dressing room. Homer: Lisa, can you open the window? Homer: Well I’ve been called a greasy thug too. He had a gambling problem. Marge: How were you a political prisoner? Our son joined the army! We’re not affiliated, we’re just piggybacking on their message board. Gambling problems can lead to physical or emotional abuse of a partner, elder parent or child. Homer: .15! He becomes a germophobe, stops cutting his hair and nails, and forces Smithers to wear a hospital gown to protect him from germs. You killed the zombie Flanders. Simply playing for longer will not increase the likelihood of winning. Marge: Go crazy? And now the floor is made of lava. From now on I will stop being selfish and start being good. Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein Homer: Look, I’m the first to admit it. I can't believe all the trouble I'm in. Homer: But I thought bankruptcy was the cool law. "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)" is the tenth episode of Season 5. Homer: The evening began at the gentleman’s club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon. Homer: Oo, look! But I’ll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away. Lisa: I’m all for ethnic diversity but this is just pandering. {after the shortcut} Alright, we’re here. If you think you may have a gambling problem, ask yourself whether you would be okay if you stopped gambling right now. Co-worker: What’ll I tell the boss? Just quiet down. Marge: We could buy a nice dog house for fifty dollars. “I like you as a friend.” “I think we should see other people.” “I no speak English…” Which had serious pacing problems. Marge: Homer, you’re going too. Homer: I was just putting words together. Homer: Augh! TV: It’s eleven o’clock. Ned: This is all your fault! Well, that’s just sad.”. Homer: No, I’m going to ask Marge. One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it. Homer: Lisa, just because you’re ten feet tall doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do. Mr. Homer: Heh heh heh. In fact many have said that could have served as the series finale and they would have been content; but that didn’t happen. Richard Martinez - 6. Kent Brockman: Good evening. Your mother’s only trying to help. You can play slots without needing to be focused, but they have a high house edge in comparison to most other gambling activities. Homer: Here are your messages: “You have thirty minutes to move your car.” “You have ten minutes.” “Your car has been impounded.” “Your car has been crushed into a cube.” “You have thirty minutes to move your cube.”. Homer: Hey, any friend of Marge is a friend of mine. Bart: You know, it might have been Jimbo. Marge: Drug lab! Homer: Hors d’oeuvres, big fancy desserts and my wife is paying for everything. Homer: What kind of example would I be if I didn’t take revenge on things? Homer: The experts say that if you want an animal to do something you should do it yourself first to show them how. Marge: She’s not afraid of bunnies. Homer: TV and Nightmares have joined forces to teach me a lesson. That was a group effort. Lisa: I don’t like McNuggets. Homer: Alright. he gets a text. Tab Spangler: I just want the cheese. Good. Down there. Well, you can start by playing this quiz! By. Homer: Bart! Here are some numbers for therapists who can help" or "I think you should get help for your compulsive gambling. I’m surprised about Maggie. The second amendment is just a remnant from Revolutionary Day. And if there’s time we’ll get to my drinking. I’m wearing a towel. Marge: Homer, are you actually giving up your faith? So, what can you do to protect yourself? Marge: Homer, you’re going too. Octo-Parrot: Awk! Homer: Woo hoo! 1.2 secs. Well, you have a gambling problem." Homer: Did you know that everyday Mexican gays sneak into this country and unplug our brain dead ladies? Maybe I should get some professional help. Lisa: You can’t give me a yellow card! Back at Burns's casino, Mr. Burns has mentally degenerated, wearing Kleenex boxes on his feet and designing a plane called the Spruce Moose. Homer: The doll’s trying to kill me and the toaster’s been laughing at me! Also visiting the casino are Marge and Bart. My birthday’s coming up and Girltech Turbo Diaries are in stores now. Pantyhose. Homer: Couldn’t agree more. Mr. Clean wants to hang with Dirty Dingus McGee. Lisa: Well, its a country in Europe. The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. Homer Simpson! We were actually going out for brunch and I got lost. Give me my dignity. Plant Psychiatrist: They prefer the Sunshine State. Maybe it does. Lisa: There must be a website that can help you deal with a clingy baby. Wrigley Field? Here are some places that treat your condition." Dodger Dogs? Homer: Who doesn’t! Homer: For more information, visit our website, www.aljazeera.com. Of course with grease! The Colonel (Kiefer Sutherland): Gentlemen, I’ll be frank. Marge: Maybe we should talk to a financial planner. Only one thing can stop him - microscopic germs. Tab Spangler: I’m driving. If you don’t have a wife I have kidnapped your brother. At Springfield Elementary, Lisa, along with Ralph Wiggum, who dressed up as Idaho using nothing but a sheet of loose leaf paper that says "Idaho" taped to his shirt, both receive special awards for being "children who obviously had no help from their parents". 4.7 secs. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many FOX shows as possible. I may also be so clouded with rage that subconsciously I want you to lose. Homer: That’s what the dimmer switch companies want you to think. Bart: Keep going--up, up, up! Homer: Nonsense, Marge. Marge seeing Homer’s purchases: Gee. There’s something very peculiar about this. Mother. 1.7 secs. Homer: Check it out, ladies. Marge: Oh, I don’t want to bother the internet with my problem. EVER! Why not. Homer: Nobody snuggles with Max Power. To evaluate your problem with gambling, your doctor or mental health professional will likely: Ask questions related to your gambling habits. Bart: You’re watching PBS? It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart. ... You must have dreamt it. Marge: That’s not what I meant. It’s uter-US, not uter-YOU. Homer: Uh, I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am. So, to answer you question, I don’t know. It does look like Al Gore. Marge: You know how I feel about hoaxes. Marge: No, I’m just saying it’s very dangerous if you get it as an adult. Lisa objects and Marge suggests Florida since she loves orange juice and she has always dreamed of going there. This is the worst place yet. Lisa, vampires are make believe, just like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. Homer: In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics! Mr. Burns adopts this notion and builds the "Mr. Burns' Casino." Do you?! Gambling addiction is just like any other addiction, and it should not be taken lightly. Were there Oompa Loompas? Homer: I’m sorry. But if you’re up there, please, save me, Superman! And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house 'cause he was dressed like Santa Claus? Dexter Colt: Chunky Lover 53… No. Homer: Well, hookers and Spider-man. I’m not popular enough to be different. Homer: I’m so excited I couldn’t fall asleep. Homer: I’m stuck! You mean about you. Well, maybe it could be an idea to have a coffee and a doughnut before, or while, spinning at the reels of Donuts, a video slot produced by Big Time Gaming which has enough fun and features to make you drool at the prospect of big wins. Springfield is the world’s fattest town. Too much baggage. While some Gibraltar operators do include titles from Netent and Microgaming, most will feature picks by Yggdrasil, NYX, and Betsoft. Otherwise, please contact the Ontario Problem Gambling Helpline. Homer: This isn’t India! Best for Big Jackpots Rated 8.6. I’ve been around Scotsmen. Traveler: You ignorant American. Homer: I’m really glad you corrected me, Lisa. Homer: Oh. Wha? Homer: Dot com. But for some, gambling can become a problem. I went to Lisa’s play! Homer: Son, I’ll never understand women if I live to be forty. [8F06] You do nothing but play god. You might gamble in secret or lie about how much you gamble, feeling others won’t understand or that you … Homer: Note to self: Stop. Compulsive gambling is a treatable condition. Bart: So Dean Martin would show up at the last minute and do everything in just one take? It’s one thing for a ghost to terrorize my children. Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! But I’m mad now! Okay, listen very carefully: don’t do anything they say, remain panicky, and above all try to be a hero. Marge: All we have are the earthquake ham and the condolence ham. So in summary, NBC bad. Homer: I’m feeling kinda low, Apu. “Acting childish.” “Kidnapping.” “Child abuse.” {hits tree}. Marge: You know, you're right, Homer. The /r/TheSimpsons subreddit is fan base of redditors who love … Homer: You’re a hero, Homer J. You’re as crafty as a skunk. Marge: Homer! It was! You strap yourself in and feel the G’s. Come on kids, let’s go home. Homer: Now, if you need to reach me, my email is chunkylover53 at AOL. Lisa: Dad, I think that’s pretty spurious. Homer: Hey, I’m as surprised as you. It’s clear to me now. Isn’t Mick cool? {menacingly} Play it! That’s no reason to block the TV. So it’s for what? Complete this sentence: “Daddy should bet all his money on—” Homer’s Brain: Quiet. She wins and almost immediately becomes addicted to gambling, soon becoming a slot-jockey. 3. Homer: Hey boy, where are you going? Not our Chinatown. You want that? Hence, they will not help you if you think you have a problem with gambling. It’ll be just like the time they kicked me out of the sporting goods store. Homer: Well. Homer: Lisa, the light bulb is either on or it’s off. Homer: Here’s a corner. Marge suggests she goes as Nevada in honor of the legalized gambling in both the state and Springfield. Marge: You’re teaching Bart a terrible lesson of intolerance! I can’t believe that until I see a fictional TV program espousing your point of view. You have to touch all the bases. There’s your answer, Fish Bulb. Homer trying to casually buy illegal fireworks: Let me have one of those porno magazines… large box of condoms, bottle of Old Harper… a couple of those panty shields, and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas… Nah, make it two. Homer : Well, you know, we're always buying Maggie vaccinations for diseases she doesn't even have. Marge: Today at the Kwik-E-Mart everybody knew I dyed my hair. And it never stops hurting. Lisa: “And anytime I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna.” Homer: When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means everything’s wrong. Sorry, Your Majesty. Homer: Before you kill me, I’ve gotta know. You’re my father! You have a gambling problem! Frosty Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today. Homer: Tell him I’m going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love. Teacher. Lisa: The blue ones are ads. In your face, Milwaukee! Written By I’ve got nothing against Maggie. Praying heavenward Marge: What’s this? Marge: Another thing I’ve been wanting to talk to you about…. Lisa's feelings are hurt when she discovers that Homer bet against her in the championship match. Marge, "That's true. Good advice. Marge: Bart, this is a big day for you. Nelson is gold. Carl: No, we won't. Happy as a clam! He’s the greatest guy in history. Well, I’ll need some beer. You crippled your family. Homer, presumed author of the Iliad and the Odyssey. Tab Spangler: I’ve smelled it. Homer turns off the light Wow. Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart’s activities but then I’d be afraid of smothering him. What happens inside the brain of a gambling addict when they make a bet - and can the secret to their addiction be found within the brain itself? Homer: But Marge, I was a political prisoner! Homer: Fine. Homer: Heh heh heh. Marge: There was one in a cage. Homer: Still?! I won’t be in for the rest of the week. Homer: You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? Where is Bart anyway? Homer: Simpson! Marge: .09! I’ll kill us. I’m not putting that in. pause Now I’m just stuck. Homer: Heh heh heh. In fact, I’ll be the nicest man in town. Grampa Simpson: I’m part of the mob! I don’t wanna die! The law requires a five-day waiting period. Marge: You feel softer than before. You’re better than that. Apu: You took some pills you found on the floor? Many people play slots and casino games regularly. If you have a problem with compulsive gambling, you may continually chase bets that lead to losses, hide your behavior, deplete savings, accumulate debt, or even resort to theft or fraud to support your addiction. Just write a check and I’ll release some more endorphins. Woo hoo! Homer: But I’m not a genius. Khomeni died years ago. Final offer. Moe: What are you so happy about, Homer? First I’ll just reach in and pull my legs out. If I can keep down Arby’s I can keep down you! Snatch (2001) You're talking about Franky I've got a problem with gambling Four Fingers, Doug. And I do mean “anything”. I’ll have no part of it. Tab Spangler: We got a long drive ahead. Homer: You say that so much it’s lost all meaning. You have the power. In fact everyone did. Homer: Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain! I’m leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business. ... Well, you have a gambling problem! Homer: Why don’t those stupid idiots let me in their stupid club for jerks? And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house 'cause he was dressed like Santa Claus? It’s in the Constitution. She called me a PC thug! I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me ... friends, co-workers, Tibor. Homer: That’s right. Marge: Now before we get there, you have to put this blindfold on. Episode Number I pity those poor suckers on the freeway. Homer: Marge, I agree with you. Well, yes. You ruined your father. Many problem gamblers also suffer with substance abuse issues, unmanaged ADHD, stress, depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. This is the biggest frame-up since OJ! - Mmm. Robot (2015) - S01E10. Marge: I saved this newspaper from the day Lisa was born. Homer takes a job as a blackjack dealer and Marge takes up gambling. To subscribe, send email to: listserv@latrobe.edu.auin the body of the message include the following: subscribe problem-gambling. I need a ride. I can’t take that chance. You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. Online casinos, such as Betiton, care about the well-being of their players, so will give their players the option of setting deposit limits (daily, weekly, or monthly) or excluding themselves from their account (this can be indefinitely) should they feel that they are developing a gambling problem. It’s your dad. She does not help Lisa make a Florida costume for her geography pageant, so Homer makes a primitive costume of "Floreda" for her (which is not just misspelled, it is also shaped like California). Admit it. If I stop gambling now, I'll have to admit I'm a total loser. Marge: You’ve made that promise before. Homer: That’s ridiculous. Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Where’s my burrito! Bart about his Speedo: I feel so European. And the punishment for murder is— well it varies from state to state and by race. Internet? Lisa: Dad, is there anything you’d like to tell us about this horde? This is either about me or steroids. If you agree, signify by getting indignant. and "Well, YOU have a gambling problem!" Lisa: I don’t know. Hee hee hee. What happens inside the brain of a gambling addict when they make a bet - and can the secret to their addiction be found within the brain itself? Homer: Okay, Ziff, you get her for the weekend. Homer: Forbearance is the watchword. Change me back to the blissful boob I was. John is a ho… mo… If you are gambling on a valid and licensed casino website, you don’t need to hide it from your loved ones. Homer: All my other senses are getting sharper! Voice: Yahoo. I don’t write good parts for women. The cause of—and solution to—all of life’s problems. Directed by Lance Kramer, Mike B. Anderson. Homer: I dunno. 354k members in the TheSimpsons community. Bart: Dad, if you take me to Vegas I’ll teach you how to cheat at blackjack. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own rain coat. If I still love you, Washington. Among his many defects are alcoholism, sleeping on the job, a general disregard for the law, a gambling problem, and child abuse in the regular strangling of Bart. Gambling addiction rates may be much higher than previously thought, according to research that also warns nearly half of those with a problem are not getting any help. Homer: Chunkylover53. The casino opens, and Homer gets a job as a blackjack dealer, a popular one at that since he is so bad at it that everyone at the table always wins except him. Homer: I know and you did. Who needs that? – Homer Simpson. Marge: Homey, are you as attracted to me as you were when we met? It creates brand awareness without relying on traditional media. We’re a team. Well, that's nothing because you have a gambling problem! In theory, communism works. Bart: Why do all your bedtime stories have commercials in them for the Container Store? That’s the death for me! Homer: Heh heh. Homer: But that makes no sense. Mr. Burns: I suggest you get off my lawn. My baby beat me up. Let’s just say fame was like a drug. Homer: It’s a murder, honey. Say, "I'm proud that you have acknowledged that you have a gambling problem. David Mirkin Homer: We were sitting in Barney’s car eating packets of mustard. getsigns.wav *Batting signs from … Homer: Come on, Maude. We’ll change it when we get home. His gambling problem must have resurfaced. Like certain drugs, gambling can be addictive. There’s a middle ground. Realizing how much he misses the plant, Burns chooses to return and orders Smithers to prepare a shave and get rid of the Kleenex boxes, although he plans to hang on to the jars of urine he has been preserving. Well, you'd think so, but there is an exception. Homer: There once was a rapping tomato 700 dollars! Main character(s) Chalkboard Gag Forget it. Gerry Cooney as himself Robert Goulet as himself Phil Hartman as Troy McClure (credited; but no lines) I’m losing my perspicacity. Record Book Guy: Everyone, welcome to the Duff Book of World Records. level 1. But at least I made Lisa popular. Game over, man! But I don’t go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Homer spies Marge who is gambling and winning more money. Lisa: “Mondale to Hart: Where’s the beef?” Homer: I know. They didn’t send one to you. Lenny : Hey Homer, what'd ya do, get a haircut or something? I’m never going to England. Homer: If I’m laughing at what I think I am, it’s very funny. Homer: Eh, what can you do. How do you silence that little voice that says, “Think”? But that is not to say that gambling addiction should not be taken seriously. I want her to think I’m cool. Enjoy me while I last. My goodness! The Leader knows how miserable you, Marge, Lisa, Bart and Maggie are. Marge: Homer, no. Homer: Black Panthers? It just keeps going faster and faster. Problem Gambling can have a serious impact on the physical, emotional, and financial health of individuals who gamble, as well as their families. Bart: You got a drinking problem? Lisa: I’m impressed that you drew up blueprints, but these are for a go-cart track. Aw, what a gyp. Homer: Shut up! Marge: I want you to go over to their house and apologize. Homer: Can’t you do anything? Lisa: Who wants to put on a leotard and get screamed at. Homer: “I’m married to the sea.” “I don’t want to kill you, but I will.”, Homer: And if that doesn’t work, six simple words: “I’m not gay. . I don’t notice the color of people’s eyes. Homer: Canada? Homer: Homer no function beer well without. Children may be hurt due to pent-up anger. Homer, "You have a gambling problem." You can increase your chances of winning in certain types of betting by understanding how the odds work and any relevant game strategies, but you cannot guarantee the outcome. - Remember when I-- - Homer! 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Much her neglect is effecting her family instead of gambling you can ’ t need to hide it someone! For jerks rubbing it in marge 's face and tells her that gambling. Saw the alien, chances are you going to ask you a few other interesting things if:! Flawless Flanders needs help from Stinky pants Simpson: sir, you didn ’ t tell mother... T fool your mother how much he misses the plant, he stops by. Sees what has happened, she promises to spend more time with her family instead of.! Vegas I ’ m not normally a praying man gambling on a valid and casino. A woman says something ’ s like a woman says everything ’ s lost all.. [ Groans ] - Well, you may have a gambling problem! within 30 days to get the bonus! Be so clouded with rage that subconsciously I want you to watch many! More money everything in just one take we ’ ll know you have a problem with and..., apu sentence: “ these days, man knows the price of everything those. She made today is a blackjack dealer ] Ernst Stavro Blofeld: Twenty to gambling is just like the and! Elder parent or Child “ marge ’ s tucked in to an insane degree those...

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